Brandenburg Gate and Berlin Wall

That first day in Berlin, it was just the two of us exploring the old/new, history-filled, city.  I remember this surreal feeling that I wasn't really on the eastern side of the Atlantic, far from home, in a foreign city. Though German is written everywhere there is also a lot of English.  If you tuned out the German, the architecture didn't feel foreign either.  I saw clearly the inspiration for much of the old buildings and churches in Northeast US cities.  I think that was partly why I didn't feel like a foreigner, though I knew in my mind that I was.  It was an interesting feeling...familiar yet foreign.

The Brandenburg Gate is well known and we frequently found ourselves in that area as it was walkable from our hotel in western Berlin and near many other places we visited. Also, it was just a fun place to be.  It is truly magnificent, especially to think how long it has been standing and the historical significance it holds for Berlin.  So grateful for the unseasonable sunshiny days we had during our entire visit.

Not far from here stands the remnants of the wall that divided Berlin for 28 years.  All throughout the city there is a line of bricks in the ground that follows the footprint of the entire wall as it stood.  It seems everywhere there are visual reminders of the past that Germany does not want to forget. Remembering so as not to repeat.  Seeing the remant and imagining this cold barrier throughout the entire city made things that I've read of Germany's history seem so much more real.  This was a reality so many people lived with of families, friends and a country divided.  It felt ominous and isolating and so cold.  I remember sitting on the cement sidewalk in the sunlight, looking for some extra warmth and feeling sadness for those who had to live on the eastern side of that wall (which was the side I happened to be on at the time).  Images from a tv screen in the 80s held a little more significance as I literally sat on the ground that East Berliners had walked, the same ground that had been locked away from the world.  I felt the sun bring warmth to my body in contrast to the cold cement and felt more grateful for it.

Even now as I see again the pictures of this wall it makes me think of how unnatural division is, that we were meant for unity.  Unity in relationships, with God and with man.  It makes me think of the ways my heart can be divided when I allow my affection and worship to be placed upon something other than the One I was made for.  It's NOT natural and it brings isolation, fear and a coldness.

This wall was torn down to the sound of much celebration and in time a city was united. Unfortunately, Berliners bear the scars of their history and have yet to turn to the True Source for healing and restoration.  To that end we pray for these people and this city.

This wall is a reminder to me though.  A literal picture of what walls look like and what they create. My heart was not meant to be sectioned off in little pieces or in any way at all.  My entire being was intended to be open and free to receive the presence of the One who created me.  Where sin erected a barrier,  Jesus came to tear it down that I might walk in freedom.

He demolished what we could not on our own and He did it for the whole world.  He obliterated the power of sin, that ugly dividing wall, for Berliners, for Africans, for Middle Easterners and for Americans...for you and me...for everyone who believes in Him and banks their life on that wonderful truth.

"We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ.  And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are".  Romans 3:22

"So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God's wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in etneral life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 5:21

Last month I was in Europe!

I keep reminding myself of this fact:  Last month I was in EUROPE!!

It really doesn't seem real and even in the moment it was hard to wrap my brain around.  But yes indeed it did happen. The really fun part is that it was a surprise up until 2 weeks prior to leaving and my detail-happy, completely wonderful husband made all the stars align to pull off our out-of-this-country adventure.

Here is my 10-clue game we played at dinner one night.  The best part was the kids barely containing their excitement while it took me until clue "22 G & F" to figure out what Shane was trying to tell me.

Fargo came to our rescue once again in the shape of three precious family-friends that teamed up for "Operation Stacey-Kids Camp".  Bonus was that the kids had just as much a blast as we did and they didn't even have to get on a plane.  We are SOOO grateful for friends who jump on board a last-minute plan just to bless us!

Had a little more time to pack this carry-on than I did for my surprise girl's weekend.  I was most excited to pack my new birthday TOMS from my mom.

Planes are nothing new to us.  Flying across the Atlantic Ocean has only happened a couple other times though and never before have we landed in Berlin, Germany!  This night  day we did just that!

We tried to get some sleep on the plane and I maybe slept a few hours.  We landed in Berlin at 9AM so we had a whole day ahead of us quite jet-lagged so we took public transport and walked A LOT.  We had our first chance to see the Brandenburg gate and the Memorial to the Murdered Jews, which we would walk by many times in the next 5 days.

This Memorial, called the "Field of Stelae" was such an overwhelming site that is hard to put into words.  From these pictures you can't see the slope of the ground take you deeper, farther down, into what becomes very tall pillars of these rectangular blocks.  The effect is a recognition first that these "blocks" represent coffins and the magnitude is large enough just at this initial angle.  Then as you walk forward down any pathway you find yourself completely immersed in what seems an endless amount of shadowed, sky high, columns of rectanglar concrete.  There is no explanation or interpretation offered by the American architect of this memorial as the intent is for each person to experience for themselves the thoughts and emotions it evokes for them.  For me it felt endless, overwhelming, ominous and like a great sad burden...the farther I walked down to the lowest portion of a path and then walked back up.  Even walking back into the light, the feeling remained.  Underneath the ground you see here is an information center about the holocaust.  Informative is not the right word for it.  As a museum it is really well-done.  Hard to say that about a museum that creates an experience you both shrink back from yet do not want to be ignorant of.  There is a sign when you first enter the museum portion that I wish I took a picture of.  It reads something to the effect, "We do not want to forget so this may never happen again."  I wish we were not as jet-lagged as we were that day because I know that prevented me from focusing in as well as I wanted to but it was so very sobering nonetheless.

That was one of our first experiences in Berlin.  Hard to swallow the hard, awful history of this city and country but it gave perspective to where Berlin is today and all we would learn of its history.  I think honestly it's good for my soul to get a real, hard look at where sin can take a person and a community of people.   It's real and grotesque and without Jesus, the whole world would have NO hope of ever being free from the grip it has on us.  The cross and the awful, complete payment Jesus made, His sacrificial death and glorious resurrection...this is such GREAT NEWS.  He came to free us from the atrocities our sinful selves are capable of...and the reality that sin is SIN period.  We ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  We ALL need a Rescuer and Jesus came to seek and to save those who are lost in their sin.  One very real feeling I had walking away from this memorial was gratefulness for the hope I have in Jesus.

Remembering is helpful but only Jesus saves.

Party Pictures

Found some more pictures my friend Kait was kind enough to take.

I remember every where I turned I saw the thought and detail Shane put into making this party fun and festive.  I want to remember how it all looked because it was so well done and made me feel really loved!

Really tasty snacks compliments of some sweet friends that helped Shane out.  I wish I ate more but I was so distracted by all the people. : )

Not the greatest picture but my reaction was the more silent, "Are you serious? OH. MY. GOODNESS." Felt that inside and then I flipped out with excitement which is probably what was really more to character.

Love the ecstatic blurry profile of Gavin.

So glad my kids got in on the festivity for a bit since they worked so hard with Shane getting ready for this fun night!!

Many faces are not preserved in photo but I will definitely remember each one's presence.  

A few to help me remember...

And the guy who made it all happen...how I love him!!!

Pictures....just pictures

Playing with the boys.  

Dinner at Tea House.  Sharing a favorite place with favorite people.
Oh I just love these girls!!

What else can you do in the frozen tundra except go to the MOA.  Brooke could only take so much.

Make new friends but keep the old.  One is silver the other is gold.

Grateful that Mels surprised me and brought the richness of a longtime friendship to the celebration!

And while I was enjoying the bliss of time with friends...this little sweetheart was helping her Daddy prepare for a very special night!! These cupcakes...SO. GOOD! 

The calm before the chaos - Shane has serious party-making skills!!!  I love that man!

More to come....

The Big Deal Continued...

40 is now here (has been for a couple weeks by now) and it feels pretty stinkin' awesome so far.  I am so thankful for those who helped me enter it with such a fantastic exclamation point!

I am backtracking so much at this point.   And I really don't know how to summarize the details because there are SO MANY!!  Shane is a man of details and he displayed that so well in this endeavor called The Big Deal.

This is some of what I remember...
I remember the "I can't believe this!!" feeling staying with me for days following that first surprise that sent me screaming down the basement steps.

I remember Ruthie being so delighted to help me pack, throwing random items in a carry-on and heading to a hotel in Mpls with me sweet, amazing friends.

I remember dinner at one of my favorite Chinese restaurants and late night chats over wine and snacks from Trader Joes.  Laughter, stories, catching up on our lives.

I remember 2 mornings later opening the door of the hotel room to find my kids with flowers and then another totally out-of-the-blue surprise in my oldest, dearest friend Mel!

I remember driving the girls to my house for a planned dessert with Mary and Terry - couldn't wait for all my friends to meet two of our favorite people form Fargo!!  And meet them they did...along with a whole houseful of other people!

The culmination of a whirl-wind weekend in a beautifully decorated, thoughtfully planned (and I mean THOUGHTFUL!...from the gifts of coffee with notes...to the videos of far-away family and friends...to the homemade cupcakes and food and wine...to the photo booth....) PART-EY by my one and only and our kids...that they had been planning for months without my knowing!!


I have been digesting all the implications of this elaborate plan ever since.  I completely lived in the moment...the FUN and JOY of every. single. moment.  And now, the details seem to not fully explain the whole of it.  I write them down so I won't forget because after all I just turned 40.  But really what I want to capture forever is how I felt and the impression left on my heart.

I am one little person, much smaller than most people my age, but also small in the grand scheme of life.  My imprint in this world can feel very insignificant and in reality it is but one thin strand.  Yet I felt so very keenly my Father's love for me as I sat in a hotel room with 5 women who flew and drove miles to celebrate and spend time with me...in the polar vortex frozen tundra no less!  I felt it in the hug of my lifelong friend who flew all the way from Dallas and jumped into the crazy fun of a girl weekend with complete strangers aside from me.  I saw it in the sweet, ecstatic joy on my kid's faces when they finally got to yell SURPRISE after months of secret planning and hard work.  I heard it in the kind messages of love recorded and sent from my family and friends who live far away but are so near in my heart.  I experienced it in the laughter and conversation and hugs in a room full of a beautiful variety of friends.  I was convinced by the expression on my husband's face when he could finally show me all he'd been up to for my sake, to remind me I am a treasure to him.

The wonderful truth is that I did not need a perfectly planned weekend extravaganza to prove that Shane loves me for he is a husband that shows me that every day.  And likewise, much more so, there is nothing that my Savior need else give me to prove His love for me, for the indisputable evidence was displayed on the cross and in the empty tomb over 2000 years ago.
And yet....AND YET....His grace abounds, His love keeps giving...it knows NO LIMITS!  He has used so many wonderful people in my life to display and communicate His affection for me.  It's the kind of excess that makes one feel overly blessed - like REALLY??  Such a big fuss for me??

How is it possible my heart can ever betray me from the truth of this great LOVE?  How can the world's counterfeits creep in so easily with their empty promises and false claims for my affection and admiration?  I'm ashamed to even admit that reality but it is real all the same.

So in my reflecting and my remembering I am so very grateful.  I wish I was not so fickle and unbelieving at times.  My hope and desire is to be ever more, every day, CERTAIN and grounded in this greatest Love.  A Love that is all-encompassing, pure and holy, having no beginning nor end.
A Love that is my most precious eternal gift...not just to hold but to share.

The Big Deal

Oh my word when I look back two posts ago and think how I was sitting at my kitchen table typing and was COMPLETELY clueless as to what would transpire mere hours later.  I guess lots of things can happen that way in life - good and bad.  This. was. good.  Like, unbelievably good.

So it was still Gavin's day, the party had wound down.  I was just pulling into my garage, 2 kids piling out and running in the house and I was struggling to close the heavy side door of the van in the freezing cold.

Suddenly...(insert chime of text coming in) this picture appears on my phone.  Meet Brooke from Kansas.  She can be a little fun and crazy and silly...ok a LOT crazy, fun and silly.  I remember thinking, "What is she up to? Hmm."  Had a whole second to think just that thought.

Then, a second later (insert another text chime)...this picture (I think. After Brooke I can't remember a particular order).  Meet Jess from Iowa.  She too is fun and silly...but what are the odds of a text right after Brooke's? And um, same background?  What is up?

Next second (text chime, you saw that coming)...meet Heidi from Wisconsin Illinois.  Something is going on!  This is all happening as I'm walking now from my garage to the house.  Says me: "Shane, I'm getting these texts from the girls!  I have no idea what they are doing!"

(Chime).  Meet Kelly also from Iowa.  "That is the same bright green again!"

(Chime).  Meet Angie from Colorado.  "Oh my goodness.  Why are they all in front of the same green and where are they?  Shane??"  Kids at this point are running upstairs to get ready for bed.  I am holding my phone in confusion.  Thick headed, yes I am.

(Chime).  "What??????"
I text back: "Where are you?? and why are you all together without me???"
No response.

At this point I have shown Shane the texts.  I am seriously wondering now if they are somewhere in my house hiding but I can't place the green background and so I am so confused.  It doesn't take much for me obviously and yes my husband knows this.  Kids have their pj's now and are looking very happy. Gavin and Ruth run downstairs.  I know something is up but it still is not connecting in the brain yet.....and then......

(Chime) This picture:

Commence crazy screaming, me running down 2 flights of stairs to hug each one of these amazing women as they emerge from my basement!!!  Screaming, hugs and tears....I am in shock!!!  Cannot believe what is actually happening and that these 5 ladies who live all over the country are standing now in my kitchen and telling me to go pack my suitcase. I could barely get my feet moving let alone my brain but somehow with Ruthie's help I threw clothes, etc. in a suitcase and 10 minutes later I was on my way to a hotel in Minneapolis with 5 of my dearest friends. 

It was amazing, it was unbelievable, it was so exciting...and it was only the beginning.

To be continued.....

A boy turns 10

I have so much catching up to do and it's been less than a week since my last post.  I had every intention to come back right away and reminisce on the day our second boy turned 10 but my plans derailed in a most delightful way...which I will have to again come back to in another post.

This post belongs solely to Gavin.  He turned 10.  He turned 10!!!!
One decade ago (plus a few days) we welcomed another little boy into the world and his entrance was spectacular: midnight contractions, 1AM call to friends, 2AM ride to hospital to find I was 8cm dilated, 3:30ishAM - Hello Gavin Nathaniel! That was the perfect entry for our bundle of energy and charisma. He loves to here the retelling of that story and I love remembering.

So on this past Thursday, February 27, we celebrated one very excited boy.  It was a party!!

We have a tradition in our family to shower the birthday person with encouragement.  We say. "I love you ______ but I really like you because_______".

In keeping with that tradition:

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your smile is precious and your hugs are warm."

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you always have a thought or story to share."

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you look for people to play and be with."

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you make the perfect sandwich between your brother and sister."

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your humor and laughter keeps the rest of us laughing too (almost always) ; )."

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you enjoy babies and are patient with those younger than you."

"I love you Gavin but I really like how you move to a music and rhythm all your own and how much you enjoy playing the piano.  Makes me so happy to hear you play with enthusiasm and a God-blessed giftedness/"

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you think your dad is a superhero."

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you challenge me to want to be a kinder, gentler mom and more patient teacher."

"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your still let me hug and kiss you." 
Please don't let 10 change that! : )


I could keep going....it's such a great practice to pause and think of all the ways you are precious to me. It's hard to believe an entire decade of life you have lived...always 30 years behind me.  You were my greatest gift to hold on my 30th birthday 10 years ago.  I thank God for how His love just spreads my heart wider to hold even more love than I can imagine.  I thank Him even for the ways that 2 little boys changed and challenged my world and my heart 10 years ago and how that journey has led me to greater trust and dependence on Jesus today.  I thank Him for you my effervescent Gavinator - and for the ways He has grown you and shaped you in 10 years time and for the privilege of getting that front row seat next to your Dad.  It's my pleasure and my honor to be your Mom.

Happy 10th Birthday Gavin Nathaniel Stacey!!!!!!