40 is now here (has been for a couple weeks by now) and it feels pretty stinkin' awesome so far. I am so thankful for those who helped me enter it with such a fantastic exclamation point!
I am backtracking so much at this point. And I really don't know how to summarize the details because there are SO MANY!! Shane is a man of details and he displayed that so well in this endeavor called The Big Deal.
This is some of what I remember...
I remember the "I can't believe this!!" feeling staying with me for days following that first surprise that sent me screaming down the basement steps.
I remember Ruthie being so delighted to help me pack, throwing random items in a carry-on and heading to a hotel in Mpls with me sweet, amazing friends.
I remember dinner at one of my favorite Chinese restaurants and late night chats over wine and snacks from Trader Joes. Laughter, stories, catching up on our lives.
I remember 2 mornings later opening the door of the hotel room to find my kids with flowers and then another totally out-of-the-blue surprise in my oldest, dearest friend Mel!
I remember driving the girls to my house for a planned dessert with Mary and Terry - couldn't wait for all my friends to meet two of our favorite people form Fargo!! And meet them they did...along with a whole houseful of other people!
The culmination of a whirl-wind weekend in a beautifully decorated, thoughtfully planned (and I mean THOUGHTFUL!...from the gifts of coffee with notes...to the videos of far-away family and friends...to the homemade cupcakes and food and wine...to the photo booth....) PART-EY by my one and only and our kids...that they had been planning for months without my knowing!!
I have been digesting all the implications of this elaborate plan ever since. I completely lived in the moment...the FUN and JOY of every. single. moment. And now, the details seem to not fully explain the whole of it. I write them down so I won't forget because after all I just turned 40. But really what I want to capture forever is how I felt and the impression left on my heart.
I am one little person, much smaller than most people my age, but also small in the grand scheme of life. My imprint in this world can feel very insignificant and in reality it is but one thin strand. Yet I felt so very keenly my Father's love for me as I sat in a hotel room with 5 women who flew and drove miles to celebrate and spend time with me...in the polar vortex frozen tundra no less! I felt it in the hug of my lifelong friend who flew all the way from Dallas and jumped into the crazy fun of a girl weekend with complete strangers aside from me. I saw it in the sweet, ecstatic joy on my kid's faces when they finally got to yell SURPRISE after months of secret planning and hard work. I heard it in the kind messages of love recorded and sent from my family and friends who live far away but are so near in my heart. I experienced it in the laughter and conversation and hugs in a room full of a beautiful variety of friends. I was convinced by the expression on my husband's face when he could finally show me all he'd been up to for my sake, to remind me I am a treasure to him.
The wonderful truth is that I did not need a perfectly planned weekend extravaganza to prove that Shane loves me for he is a husband that shows me that every day. And likewise, much more so, there is nothing that my Savior need else give me to prove His love for me, for the indisputable evidence was displayed on the cross and in the empty tomb over 2000 years ago.
And yet....AND YET....His grace abounds, His love keeps giving...it knows NO LIMITS! He has used so many wonderful people in my life to display and communicate His affection for me. It's the kind of excess that makes one feel overly blessed - like REALLY?? Such a big fuss for me??
How is it possible my heart can ever betray me from the truth of this great LOVE? How can the world's counterfeits creep in so easily with their empty promises and false claims for my affection and admiration? I'm ashamed to even admit that reality but it is real all the same.
So in my reflecting and my remembering I am so very grateful. I wish I was not so fickle and unbelieving at times. My hope and desire is to be ever more, every day, CERTAIN and grounded in this greatest Love. A Love that is all-encompassing, pure and holy, having no beginning nor end.
A Love that is my most precious eternal gift...not just to hold but to share.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
The Big Deal
Oh my word when I look back two posts ago and think how I was sitting at my kitchen table typing and was COMPLETELY clueless as to what would transpire mere hours later. I guess lots of things can happen that way in life - good and bad. This. was. good. Like, unbelievably good.
So it was still Gavin's day, the party had wound down. I was just pulling into my garage, 2 kids piling out and running in the house and I was struggling to close the heavy side door of the van in the freezing cold.
Suddenly...(insert chime of text coming in) this picture appears on my phone. Meet Brooke from Kansas. She can be a little fun and crazy and silly...ok a LOT crazy, fun and silly. I remember thinking, "What is she up to? Hmm." Had a whole second to think just that thought.
Then, a second later (insert another text chime)...this picture (I think. After Brooke I can't remember a particular order). Meet Jess from Iowa. She too is fun and silly...but what are the odds of a text right after Brooke's? And um, same background? What is up?
Next second (text chime, you saw that coming)...meet Heidi fromWisconsin Illinois. Something is going on! This is all happening as I'm walking now from my garage to the house. Says me: "Shane, I'm getting these texts from the girls! I have no idea what they are doing!"
(Chime). Meet Angie from Colorado. "Oh my goodness. Why are they all in front of the same green and where are they? Shane??" Kids at this point are running upstairs to get ready for bed. I am holding my phone in confusion. Thick headed, yes I am.
(Chime). "What??????"
I text back: "Where are you?? and why are you all together without me???"
No response.
At this point I have shown Shane the texts. I am seriously wondering now if they are somewhere in my house hiding but I can't place the green background and so I am so confused. It doesn't take much for me obviously and yes my husband knows this. Kids have their pj's now and are looking very happy. Gavin and Ruth run downstairs. I know something is up but it still is not connecting in the brain yet.....and then......
(Chime) This picture:
So it was still Gavin's day, the party had wound down. I was just pulling into my garage, 2 kids piling out and running in the house and I was struggling to close the heavy side door of the van in the freezing cold.
Suddenly...(insert chime of text coming in) this picture appears on my phone. Meet Brooke from Kansas. She can be a little fun and crazy and silly...ok a LOT crazy, fun and silly. I remember thinking, "What is she up to? Hmm." Had a whole second to think just that thought.
Then, a second later (insert another text chime)...this picture (I think. After Brooke I can't remember a particular order). Meet Jess from Iowa. She too is fun and silly...but what are the odds of a text right after Brooke's? And um, same background? What is up?
Next second (text chime, you saw that coming)...meet Heidi from
(Chime). Meet Kelly also from Iowa. "That is the same bright green again!"
(Chime). Meet Angie from Colorado. "Oh my goodness. Why are they all in front of the same green and where are they? Shane??" Kids at this point are running upstairs to get ready for bed. I am holding my phone in confusion. Thick headed, yes I am.
(Chime). "What??????"
I text back: "Where are you?? and why are you all together without me???"
No response.
At this point I have shown Shane the texts. I am seriously wondering now if they are somewhere in my house hiding but I can't place the green background and so I am so confused. It doesn't take much for me obviously and yes my husband knows this. Kids have their pj's now and are looking very happy. Gavin and Ruth run downstairs. I know something is up but it still is not connecting in the brain yet.....and then......
(Chime) This picture:
Commence crazy screaming, me running down 2 flights of stairs to hug each one of these amazing women as they emerge from my basement!!! Screaming, hugs and tears....I am in shock!!! Cannot believe what is actually happening and that these 5 ladies who live all over the country are standing now in my kitchen and telling me to go pack my suitcase. I could barely get my feet moving let alone my brain but somehow with Ruthie's help I threw clothes, etc. in a suitcase and 10 minutes later I was on my way to a hotel in Minneapolis with 5 of my dearest friends.
It was amazing, it was unbelievable, it was so exciting...and it was only the beginning.
To be continued.....
A boy turns 10
I have so much catching up to do and it's been less than a week since my last post. I had every intention to come back right away and reminisce on the day our second boy turned 10 but my plans derailed in a most delightful way...which I will have to again come back to in another post.
This post belongs solely to Gavin. He turned 10. He turned 10!!!!
One decade ago (plus a few days) we welcomed another little boy into the world and his entrance was spectacular: midnight contractions, 1AM call to friends, 2AM ride to hospital to find I was 8cm dilated, 3:30ishAM - Hello Gavin Nathaniel! That was the perfect entry for our bundle of energy and charisma. He loves to here the retelling of that story and I love remembering.
So on this past Thursday, February 27, we celebrated one very excited boy. It was a party!!
We have a tradition in our family to shower the birthday person with encouragement. We say. "I love you ______ but I really like you because_______".
In keeping with that tradition:
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your smile is precious and your hugs are warm."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you always have a thought or story to share."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you look for people to play and be with."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you make the perfect sandwich between your brother and sister."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your humor and laughter keeps the rest of us laughing too (almost always) ; )."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you enjoy babies and are patient with those younger than you."
"I love you Gavin but I really like how you move to a music and rhythm all your own and how much you enjoy playing the piano. Makes me so happy to hear you play with enthusiasm and a God-blessed giftedness/"
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you think your dad is a superhero."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you challenge me to want to be a kinder, gentler mom and more patient teacher."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your still let me hug and kiss you."
Please don't let 10 change that! : )
I could keep going....it's such a great practice to pause and think of all the ways you are precious to me. It's hard to believe an entire decade of life you have lived...always 30 years behind me. You were my greatest gift to hold on my 30th birthday 10 years ago. I thank God for how His love just spreads my heart wider to hold even more love than I can imagine. I thank Him even for the ways that 2 little boys changed and challenged my world and my heart 10 years ago and how that journey has led me to greater trust and dependence on Jesus today. I thank Him for you my effervescent Gavinator - and for the ways He has grown you and shaped you in 10 years time and for the privilege of getting that front row seat next to your Dad. It's my pleasure and my honor to be your Mom.
Happy 10th Birthday Gavin Nathaniel Stacey!!!!!!
This post belongs solely to Gavin. He turned 10. He turned 10!!!!
One decade ago (plus a few days) we welcomed another little boy into the world and his entrance was spectacular: midnight contractions, 1AM call to friends, 2AM ride to hospital to find I was 8cm dilated, 3:30ishAM - Hello Gavin Nathaniel! That was the perfect entry for our bundle of energy and charisma. He loves to here the retelling of that story and I love remembering.
So on this past Thursday, February 27, we celebrated one very excited boy. It was a party!!
We have a tradition in our family to shower the birthday person with encouragement. We say. "I love you ______ but I really like you because_______".
In keeping with that tradition:
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your smile is precious and your hugs are warm."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you always have a thought or story to share."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you look for people to play and be with."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you make the perfect sandwich between your brother and sister."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your humor and laughter keeps the rest of us laughing too (almost always) ; )."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you enjoy babies and are patient with those younger than you."
"I love you Gavin but I really like how you move to a music and rhythm all your own and how much you enjoy playing the piano. Makes me so happy to hear you play with enthusiasm and a God-blessed giftedness/"
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you think your dad is a superhero."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because you challenge me to want to be a kinder, gentler mom and more patient teacher."
"I love you Gavin but I really like you because your still let me hug and kiss you."
Please don't let 10 change that! : )
I could keep going....it's such a great practice to pause and think of all the ways you are precious to me. It's hard to believe an entire decade of life you have lived...always 30 years behind me. You were my greatest gift to hold on my 30th birthday 10 years ago. I thank God for how His love just spreads my heart wider to hold even more love than I can imagine. I thank Him even for the ways that 2 little boys changed and challenged my world and my heart 10 years ago and how that journey has led me to greater trust and dependence on Jesus today. I thank Him for you my effervescent Gavinator - and for the ways He has grown you and shaped you in 10 years time and for the privilege of getting that front row seat next to your Dad. It's my pleasure and my honor to be your Mom.
Happy 10th Birthday Gavin Nathaniel Stacey!!!!!!
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