40 is now here (has been for a couple weeks by now) and it feels pretty stinkin' awesome so far. I am so thankful for those who helped me enter it with such a fantastic exclamation point!
I am backtracking so much at this point. And I really don't know how to summarize the details because there are SO MANY!! Shane is a man of details and he displayed that so well in this endeavor called The Big Deal.
This is some of what I remember...
I remember the "I can't believe this!!" feeling staying with me for days following that first surprise that sent me screaming down the basement steps.
I remember Ruthie being so delighted to help me pack, throwing random items in a carry-on and heading to a hotel in Mpls with me sweet, amazing friends.
I remember dinner at one of my favorite Chinese restaurants and late night chats over wine and snacks from Trader Joes. Laughter, stories, catching up on our lives.
I remember 2 mornings later opening the door of the hotel room to find my kids with flowers and then another totally out-of-the-blue surprise in my oldest, dearest friend Mel!
I remember driving the girls to my house for a planned dessert with Mary and Terry - couldn't wait for all my friends to meet two of our favorite people form Fargo!! And meet them they did...along with a whole houseful of other people!
The culmination of a whirl-wind weekend in a beautifully decorated, thoughtfully planned (and I mean THOUGHTFUL!...from the gifts of coffee with notes...to the videos of far-away family and friends...to the homemade cupcakes and food and wine...to the photo booth....) PART-EY by my one and only and our kids...that they had been planning for months without my knowing!!
I have been digesting all the implications of this elaborate plan ever since. I completely lived in the moment...the FUN and JOY of every. single. moment. And now, the details seem to not fully explain the whole of it. I write them down so I won't forget because after all I just turned 40. But really what I want to capture forever is how I felt and the impression left on my heart.
I am one little person, much smaller than most people my age, but also small in the grand scheme of life. My imprint in this world can feel very insignificant and in reality it is but one thin strand. Yet I felt so very keenly my Father's love for me as I sat in a hotel room with 5 women who flew and drove miles to celebrate and spend time with me...in the polar vortex frozen tundra no less! I felt it in the hug of my lifelong friend who flew all the way from Dallas and jumped into the crazy fun of a girl weekend with complete strangers aside from me. I saw it in the sweet, ecstatic joy on my kid's faces when they finally got to yell SURPRISE after months of secret planning and hard work. I heard it in the kind messages of love recorded and sent from my family and friends who live far away but are so near in my heart. I experienced it in the laughter and conversation and hugs in a room full of a beautiful variety of friends. I was convinced by the expression on my husband's face when he could finally show me all he'd been up to for my sake, to remind me I am a treasure to him.
The wonderful truth is that I did not need a perfectly planned weekend extravaganza to prove that Shane loves me for he is a husband that shows me that every day. And likewise, much more so, there is nothing that my Savior need else give me to prove His love for me, for the indisputable evidence was displayed on the cross and in the empty tomb over 2000 years ago.
And yet....AND YET....His grace abounds, His love keeps giving...it knows NO LIMITS! He has used so many wonderful people in my life to display and communicate His affection for me. It's the kind of excess that makes one feel overly blessed - like REALLY?? Such a big fuss for me??
How is it possible my heart can ever betray me from the truth of this great LOVE? How can the world's counterfeits creep in so easily with their empty promises and false claims for my affection and admiration? I'm ashamed to even admit that reality but it is real all the same.
So in my reflecting and my remembering I am so very grateful. I wish I was not so fickle and unbelieving at times. My hope and desire is to be ever more, every day, CERTAIN and grounded in this greatest Love. A Love that is all-encompassing, pure and holy, having no beginning nor end.
A Love that is my most precious eternal gift...not just to hold but to share.
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